The Day I Waited For

As an Unconventional Mo (see a couple blogs back) I did many things my own way, rather than the way that was always expected, or the way "everyone else was doing it." The biggest choice that affected my path and my life was in marrying a non-member. Though my husband was baptized right after our marriage, it still meant I ended up making unforeseen sacrifices in my own spiritual growth. For instance, I didn't get to go to the temple right away for my own endowment. Through the years I took the temple prep classes 6 times, always expecting to go to the temple, but every bishop wanted me to wait and to go with my husband when he was ready. Many years later, I grew impatient with the waiting, and feeling like I was being held up in my spiritual growth and blessings. I finally had a bishop ready to move me forward....and then he was released as bishop. And the new bishop became a real challenge for me in so many ways. Move forward 6 years, and we got another new bishop, and I went to him with my same earnest plea. The night he gave me the go ahead to take the temple prep class again and plan to attend the temple, I broke down crying. The overwhelming feelings of finally being able to take that step were powerful. Bishop Pressler and my husband just stood and watched my speechless weeping for several minutes, and then both hugged me in turn.

Once I received my recommend, what followed was a number of events that seemed especially designed to test my character, and to test my reliance on the Spirit. The biggest obstacle was a particular, tenacious human thorn in my side surfaced yet again, expressing hatred and ignorance and, frankly, acting as if he knows better than my own bishop and stake president regarding my testimony or my worthiness to hold a recommend and enter the temple. In the form of a very longwinded, preposterous letter, this person was a tool in Satan's hand. It could have made me feel anger, outrage, sadness, disharmony....it could have kept me from feeling the Spirit. But all I could do was laugh. I didn't even finish reading the letter because it was just too foolish. There was just one paragraph that struck me a bit, and I addressed that with a prayer and a call to my step-sister, Leigha, for clarification. In the course of that call, my one fear was laid to rest, and I began to joyfully plan for my visit to the house of the Lord.

Some days, the wait was hard, but there is more preparation that must occur once the recommend is in hand, and it felt just a bit like preparing for a wedding day. There were certain special guests and escorts to invite, clothing to choose, etc. and so I looked at that time as a gift to prepare for a day I would not forget, and in which I did not have to look back on wishing I'd done something differently. Leigha came down for a couple days with 3 out of 4 nephews and nieces, and she was my chosen escort on temple day. Other special guests included Cathy Snow, Whitney Moody, and her husband, Jack. Whitney and Jack had just recently been sealed together with their children in the temple.

The feelings of that day were very special, and I promised myself I would return frequently to learn all I can and to keep those feelings with me as much as possible. At the end, Cathy Snow came and squeezed me and said some kind words which triggered a flood of emotion and tears. Leigha sat quietly next to me, holding my hand until I was composed enough to talk, and then we talked about what brought that on...how Cathy had been there in the role of a mother, and how much it hurts that my own mother can't seem to be there for me in that way, in the way that I need her to be there for me as a grown woman with a family of my own. It was a good moment for Leigha and I, and it sparked conversations that helped each of us understand one another a little better and grow closer.

I have returned to the temple several times since February, and since it was announced that the Memphis Temple will be closing for up to 2 years for major renovations, I have committed myself to weekly visits until October. After that, the nearest temples are Birmingham, Nashville, and St. Louis and planning a trip will be much more challenging, given the distance and the nature of working on-call. My husband has done all he can to make sure my weekly visits are possible, and I'm sure he doesn't know how much that means to me, but I know he feels the difference in our home when I return. I know he takes me seriously when I ask him to remember I'll be returning from the temple, and that transitioning back into worldly chaos and disorder is jarring, and to please minimize contention, etc. at home while I am away, so that I can bring home the good feelings of the temple for everyone to share.

My Room

The Burrows Home belongs to the Burrows Family...and when I say it belongs to the Burrows Family, what I mean is, sometimes this home is chaotic and maybe everything isn't just the way I would like it all the time ever. I have a husband. I have 3 children whom I homeschool. They have a giant dog and 2 cats. Outside the home, I have 5 chickens. Our home is regularly tidied and usually somewhat sanitary, but it is difficult to have everything clean and beautiful all the time. And...I can't really have pretty things because EVERYTHING gets broken around here. So I've settled for a simple, humbly appointed, mostly sanitary, sometimes tidy home. It isn't MY home, after all. It is OURS, and I want everyone to feel comfortable and at ease here in our place away from the outside world. A place where we can all be ourselves and enjoy one another's company without pretense.

BUT...I do need that one place where I can close the door and feel peace too, where I can be at ease and be myself, where everything does not get broken, where pets do not reside with their aromas and their shedding, and where I can enjoy some quiet time as I craft, create, write, read, or work. And sometimes sleep when Nick snores too much or I can't get comfy in our shared bed (or when the chaos of untidiness is too much for me in the master bedroom, which my husband has rather appropriated with his mountains of clothing and STUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

So, a few months ago I laid claim to the guest room. The picture at the top is the guest bed. The cats are normally entirely unwelcome, but someone had left the door open this day, and they did look awfully sweet. I snapped a picture and then shooed them off with my lint roller, and then promptly rolled away any evidence that they'd been here. I just love my bohemian bedding and piles of pillows! This is a bright and happy, yet calming and centering space. I must have had myself in mind (and didn't know it) when I chose the bedding.

Here below we have a recent find. It came to me from a photographer who no longer needed it as a prop. It was painted an aqua/turquoise color, so I brought it home and sprayed it down with a couple coats of mustardy yellow and hung it up to display some fun and happy memories and small paintings of my own. I apologize that the photograph is a wee blurry, but the lighting in here is not good for photography. It is, however, perfect for ME.

The painting below was done by my Great-aunt Mildred, and it hung in my grandparents' home for as long as I ever remembered, until my grandmother died. Grandpa stored it in the shed for a time. My mother got it, and then she gave it to me. It was in an awfully old frame, which literally fell to pieces as it was handled. There was no glass or anything to protect the painting (which maybe isn't a valuable masterpiece, but which has a story and sentimentality, and I love it). So I reframed it this week and hung it above the bed. It is rather larger than it looks here, so almost serves as a headboard for the queen-size bed.

Here we have an old wooden vessel of some sort. I have no idea its original purpose, nor how old it might actually be. This is another piece that belonged to my grandmother and I don't remember a time it wasn't there. I used to play with this as a child. It was everything from a witch's cauldron to a butter churn to a chamber pot in my imagination. Often, I slapped a big, round, red polka-dot pillow on top and it was a giant mushroom for the fair folk. I believe it was also a Barbie hot tub at some point. My Aunt Debbie got this after Grandpa passed and wanted me to have it. I couldn't say no because I do have such memories of it, so it has come to live in my peaceful room filled with things I love.

Last, we have another art piece. This one I commissioned, telling the artist only that I wanted something inspired by the Iron & Wine E.P. Woman King. I cried when this is what I received. I was so moved by her capturing (and her rendering of the Woman King resembling myself) everything about the music that speaks to me so strongly. This piece is 36X72 and fills a wall for me. It is the first thing I see each morning and the last thing each night. I LOVE this painting!

In this room, I sit quietly. I read. I pray. I meditate. I paint. I draw. I write. I work. I listen to quiet music. I watch my chickens from the window. Sometimes I get a good night's sleep. I love this room.